Thursday, August 3, 2006

Did You Do Your Dumb Thing For The Week?

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously think, "You need to do something totally dumb and painful today... you have yet to accomplish that this week!" It just must be a Hammond family trait. You know: run into a closed door, stick your elbow out as you pass an object so you hit your funny bone, or kick something with flipflops on (boy, did that one hurt!). All of my siblings do it; it just seems that my brother Tom and I are really good and never miss a week:

"Oooh... it's Saturday night. I didn't do my stupid thing for the week. I know, why don't I drop this box on my foot?" And wham! the box falls, on cue, and connects with the foot. Of course the next thing that happens is "oww!!! Why was I so stupid?" Well, it's really not a fault; like I said, it's just a trait and we seem to be drawn to hurting ourselves in the most (un)natural way.

So, in case you are wondering, I did my stupid thing for the week right smack dab in the middle of the week. Hey, I like to maintain evenness.

Yesterday my sister-in-law pulled up outside of church with two tables sticking out of her back window and with a bungee cord keeping them in place. Being the nice, sweet, kind, loving sister-in-law that I am, I went over to help her with the tables. I stood there trying to figure out how to get the bungee cord off the car so we could get the tables out, so I first pulled at the top one but it didn't move a centimeter. So (being the very smart blonde girl that I am) I tugged at the bottom one. Not only did it move a centimeter, it came completely off.


The bungee cord smacked me right in the chin, hook first.

Of course my first reaction was, "Owww... why am I so stupid?!?!?!"

My second reaction was, "Is it bleeding???" (I do not handle blood too well, not even my own). After being assured I wasn't bleeding, we carried the tables inside. Then I gingerly touched my chin and felt something moist....

"Uh... uh... Kim? Is it... uh... (gulp) bleeding?"

It was, so I went and got a tissue to stop the bleeding. Later on I told Rachel about it (she promptly laughed, sweat dear friend that she is:D) and at dinner I told my mom about it. The ironic part was less than an hour later we were sitting in church waiting for the service to start when my mom said, "What did you do to your chin?" Then she laughed and remembered the incident:o). I walked into the bookstore after the service, and when Rachel saw my chin, she just started laughing too. Oh yeah, I feel the love!

Well, lest you think I am the only klutzy Hammond out there; take heart! I am not alone.

You see, two of my brothers work for a man at church who is a general contractor. So they've had lots of chances to hurt themselves...
  • Tom has put at least 5 nails through his fingers.
  • Phil managed to shoot himself in the toe with a nailgun and he thought he could cover it up with a bandaid.:-)
  • Someone was throwing a can of soda for Tom to catch and he nearly fell off the roof trying to catch it!
  • Both boys have jammed their fingers countless times and have broken some of them too.
  • Tom has a t-shirt that says "Yes I do all of my own stunts"! It's a pefect fit for him;).
  • Staple gun and Hammond shouldn't be said in the same sentence:D
  • Likewise sledgehammers...
  • My mom ran over Tom's knee three times with our 3 ton station wagon... and my sister was directing my mom as she went forward, reverse, forward. (Hmmm, I wonder if Mary was mad at Tom that day...:D)
  • In 1994, we had several feet of snow fall over a period of two days. At that time we lived in a ranch-style house. My dad was concerned about all the snow on top of the roof, so he and the boys got up there to shovel it off. That made for about 10-12 feet of snow for us to jump into from the roof. Tom, Phil, and I all got a running start and landed far away from the house, but my sister Michelle just jumped off the roof and landed directly below in a couple of feet of snow! No broken bones, just a crying and terrifed Michelle!

So you see, we can't help it... it's our tendency. The funny thing is, Tom married a girl who is sorta klutzy herself:o). Pity their kids:D. Actually, pity the poor man that marries me... he's in for a lot of "owws", "stupid me!", and bumps and bruises. Oh well.... that's just the way it is:)!


Happymama said...

Are you sure your last name isn't Stooge?? LOL

And don't worry about your brother's kids....remember, two negatives make a positive. LOL hehehe

Loved that post!


Jessica said...

Hey Anne, That post was too funny!! I loved it. Thanks for the laugh. :)

Tiffany said...

HAHAHA that was good to read - I have heard all those stories before but it was funny to read again. The Hammonds should not be allowed near anything that could become a dangerous tool and Mary should not be allowed to EVER direct traffic! :-D

Anne said...

I might as well share the funny stories since they ARE funny and at times unbelievable... I can't tell you how many times Tom can home from work and said "guess what happened at work today?" and I would think, "wonder who got hurt?". Oh well... life is never dull:o)

Amy said...

Goodness gracious! All those accidents and you all lived to tell about it! I'm constantly bumping into things, stepping on toes etc. My eyesight is pretty bad so outside the rim of my glasses I don't see well. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it :)

Arlene said...

Don't worry, you are not alone... and it is not just a Hammond trait, I believe. Anytime anyone in my family (or anyone for that matter) does something clumsy, they say, "Oh, he/she pulled an Arlene." I have to say that I am not nearly as bad as I used to be, but I'm just not ever going to live anything down.

Oh, and if it's any consolation, my husband shot himself in the hand (between the webbed part of his middle and ring fingers) with a bb gun... it went in one side, and never came out the other! Yes, the bb is still stuck inside his hand. Yes, I knew this story before I married him, LOL!

Anne said...

Now that story was funny Arlene:) I laughed all the while I was going "oh no! that sounds familiar!":D.